By Azucena “Ceni” De La Torre
October 4, 2023
Listen to this post.
Each day I sit at my desk and sort through Post-Its, calendars, spreadsheets, and my half-baked thoughts. This is essentially what planning is: carefully curating ideas, testing their limits, tempering imagination with the sobering scope of reality, and leaving enough wiggle room to hopefully fail forward where the planning falls short. I have no shortage of paper clips and good intentions. But the space between planning and actually launching something is beyond what I could ever piece together. The distance from planning to launching is a very narrow corner to cocoon in. A tiny spot to catch one’s breath before taking the big leap. Each passing day inches us closer to our Opening Retreat and with it, the official launch to our Polaris Young Adult Leadership Network.
I love to plan. On some days, I almost think it could be considered a hobby. Maybe it is my affection for school supplies, or the dopamine activated in my brain every time I see “the perfect notebook” that would sit aesthetically next to my planner and color-coordinated sticky notes lining the sides of this computer screen. All of which are tools housing ideas and to-dos that decorate my desk with possibilities to align and outcomes to chase. Planning is an essential component of the creative process necessary for anything to come into existence sustainably. I used to think it was relegated to managing tasks and ordering ideas but now I have come to see it as creative stewardship in action. As a Christian, I consider planning to be a way of allocating our love towards what is worthy of pursuing—a beautiful reality only made possible by launching our plans into the world.
Planning is an active state of hope that effectively incubates ambition. But actually launching what we plan is a matter of humble discovery. The latter requires varying degrees of creative risk and collaborative cohesion whereas the former often lives in a space of safe idealism not yet facing the feedback of a dynamic reality, in real-time. Planning is a wonderful way to build a fragile veil around the fear that accompanies the courage to try something new. And right now, everything is new. I wonder about what we will discover, the details we will have somehow missed, and I am preparing to encounter all the unknowns our spreadsheets could never hold. There is joy in the active anticipation that is private planning but there is fear in facing a public launch. Our greatest goal is to cultivate a network across the United States that highlights and amplifies the leadership of young adults who are Christian. All of our planning is in preparation of launching a fellowship and other meaningful offerings that help resource the gifts and talents of those called to serve God in ways as unique as they are.
This planning that has been Polaris is reaching the point where it can no longer be considered a plan, but only a reality released into the world. All our efforts are about to emerge for public consumption. The flights have been booked, the website has been launched, and this blog has been posted. There is freedom in all of that and risk at every turn. I have no idea how absolutely anything will be received or experienced, but I do know the One that called us to this work at each step. If I know anything for certain about the Lord, it is that surprising us is what God does best. We can expect that.
When we launch anything, we essentially “go live” with our planning. Our plans no longer rest warmly within curated notebooks or printed pages of research highlighted in pastel. Launching our work for others is to step into an arena of engagement that has no promises to keep. It means that our ideas will ultimately be examined, tested, enjoyed, rendered insufficient or exceedingly surpass expectations. There is no limit on how an idea can be parsed. But what remedies my worries and balms all risk is the surety that both planning and launching are collaborative endeavors with God. Any trace of creativity could only be attributed to the One who created all out of nothing. The same Spirit who breathed upon the waters, set the stars in the sky, and knows each one by name is at work still today. God continues to create and invites us into the kind of risky adventure that takes a plan and calls it into a launch.
We are still being breathed into becoming, like constellations that align and illuminate.
The same God who names the stars, knows us by name, too.
But together, our name is Polaris.
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Azucena “Ceni” De La Torre, Polaris Program Coordinator
Ceni works closely to implement the Polaris Fellowship, supporting cohorts through a year-long leadership acceleration program. She has worked in parish and university ministries, directed retreats, and lived as a residential rector. She holds a BA from DePaul University and earned her MTS at Duke Divinity School. She is a graduate of Worsham College of Mortuary Science. Ceni is a community-builder, steadfast encourager, an advocate for young adults navigating life in ministry, and a Catholic laywoman intentionally dedicated to ecumenical collaboration. She lives and writes in Chicago.