By Shari Oosting
January 24, 2024
Listen to this post.
A friend of mine was finishing her doctorate when the ideal teaching position came along. The timing was perfect, even though it involved a cross-country move, new childcare and schools for their children, and uncertainty about her spouse’s career. They prayed, took a deep breath, and went for it. A few years in, their seemingly perfect situation was unravelling. The university she served withdrew funding from her department in the humanities. Her senior colleagues were offered early retirement. Her peers on the faculty and most of the support staff saw the writing on the wall. Everyone around her was updating their application materials and looking for a way out. Tension, frustration, and uncertainty hung in the air at every meeting, sucking the joy and creativity out of her workdays. Where had she gone wrong? She berated herself, believing she should have known better, discerned better, decided better. If she was responding to God’s call, how could she have landed in such an impossibly difficult situation?
Unfortunately, faithful discernment doesn’t necessarily lead to circumstances we would choose. And it’s not as simple as discovering the correct destination and then finding a way to get there. Some major life decisions arrive as welcome opportunities, like receiving a new job offer or being accepted into grad school. Other times, decisions are required because of painful events like the loss of a child, an unraveling marriage, a demotion, or a toxic work situation.
Unfortunately, faithful discernment doesn’t necessarily lead to circumstances we would choose.
For Christians, these moments don’t simply require a decision. These circumstances require discernment about how to align our life choices—large and small—with our persistent call to follow Jesus. Whether prompted by a devastating event or a welcome surprise, discernment is an act of faith. It involves paying attention to self, God, and community.
Pay Attention to Yourself
Part of aligning with God’s call is better understanding yourself. This is not an invitation to be vain or narcissistic. This is about slowing down enough to explore what God has in store for you next and to delight in the wisdom of your gifts, your body, your experience, and your stories.
Slow down. Cancel the plans that you can. Reflect. Ask deep questions. Journal or talk through them with a trusted friend. Here are a few places to start:
- What has always been true about who you are?
- How have you changed in the past five years, and what do those changes mean for you?
- How do you most want to grow or change in the next three years?
- What do you feel, need, and value?
- What do you aspire to personally, professionally, relationally, and spiritually?
- What does your family (chosen or given) need the most? What about your neighborhood, community, or country?
- What faith-shaped reality do you long for?
The longings of your heart are a treasure trove of insight about your God-given gifts and the particular way that you are called to bear God’s image in the world.
Pay Attention to God
The simple reality of being called means that there is One who is calling you. Few people I know have heard the voice of God directly telling them what to do, though some do relate to God in this way. Many of us prayerfully beg God to audibly tell us what to do, but for me and many others, paying attention to God involves releasing this expectation and attending to the moments of spiritual clarity we’ve been gifted in the past. It means resting in silence and breathing deeply to experience peace in the midst of uncertainty. It means acknowledging honestly when we feel lonely, adrift, and frustrated by God’s silence or lack of intervention in life’s most terrible moments. It also means letting go of the idea that there is always and only one “right” decision. Any particular decision can go sideways. There are factors you can’t account for. There will be realities you didn’t expect, people you can’t control, and events you couldn’t prevent. Paying attention to God involves trusting that when—not if—there are bumps in the road, God will continue to journey with you.
It also means letting go of the idea that there is always and only one “right” decision. Any particular decision can go sideways.
Pay Attention to Your Community
It’s tempting to believe that being called is to be painfully unique and painfully alone. Don’t fall into this trap. Because we live in a culture that idealizes the rugged individual, you may find yourself stranded on islands of your own making. The truth is, being called by God is more often about you as a collective versus you as an individual. My Midwestern English dialect lacks a unique second person plural pronoun, which means I am stuck using the pronoun “you” when I talk to individuals and when I talk to groups of people. But many frequently quoted Bible verses address an entire group—the collective people of God-with the word “you.” Cited in Hallmark cards that celebrate life changes like graduations, Jeremiah 29 contains this beautiful phrase, “I know the plans I have for you.” But properly understood, God is saying, “I know the plans I have for y’all,” or “I know the plans I have for you (plural).” You as a group. You as a collective. You as God’s chosen people. All of you, together a beloved community. You were never meant to go it alone.
The truth is, being called by God is more often about you as a collective versus you as an individual.
God has given people of faith the complicated gift of each other. This cloud of witnesses, past and present, testifies to the goodness of God. It is often through our web of relationships that we experience the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Words of wisdom, comfort, and challenge are available to us when we take the risk of trusting these relationships. Seasons of discernment are rich opportunities to draw on the collective wisdom of others and the insights of those who know us well.
It is often through our web of relationships that we experience the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Phone a friend. Have lunch with a mentor. Call your grandmother or that favorite uncle you’re worried you haven’t been in touch with often enough. Other people get to live into their gifts and callings when you invite them to help discern yours.
Discerning What’s Next Is Not Easy
This is hard work. When we engage in faithful discernment, we move forward with both lingering ambiguity and trust in the God who calls us. What unfolds next is the ongoing beauty, mystery, and complexity of life. We grow and change. We make mistakes, forget, and make the same mistakes again. The ground shifts beneath us. Our neighborhoods change. Pandemics happen. We hurt ourselves and others. Loved ones leave us. We meet new people, and they frustrate, disappoint, or delight us. We lament. We celebrate. In each of these things, we ask God, “What’s next?” Like Elsa in Frozen II, this is our way of trying to “do the next right thing.”
What unfolds next is the ongoing beauty, mystery, and complexity of life.
It can be simpler to decide than to discern. But discerning your call—what God has for you in this unique time and place—is worth your time and attention. When you pay attention to your story, God’s story, and the story of your community, the trajectory of your call will grow clearer. You’ll be more grounded, more connected, and more purposeful. And when things go sideways, as they might, you’ll have practice discerning what’s next.
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Shari Oosting, Polaris Project Director
Shari leads the Polaris team and develops the network’s research and program offerings. A lifelong Christian, her call was clarified in her early 20s when she was invited to lead in campus ministry. She is insatiably curious about God’s unfolding story and loves hearing how people join God’s work in diverse and imaginative ways. She has experience discerning vocational next steps with seminary students and ministry professionals, leading teams, preaching, teaching, and designing educational programs and resources. She holds a BA from Grand Valley State University and an MDiv from Princeton Theological Seminary. As the host of Princeton Seminary’s podcast The Distillery, Shari delights in exploring book and research projects. An intuitive networker, she helps people connect so that they can learn together, form friendships, and generate new ideas. She resides in Holland, Michigan, with her spouse Jason and their four children Asher, Ezra, Elia, and Ada. They worship together at Second Reformed Church in Zeeland, Michigan.